if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
