i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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