So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
