So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
