When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
