I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
