i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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