My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
