And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
