I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
