I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
