we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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