watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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