just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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