Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
