Just fell off a train. Bad.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
