Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Buhtt sex?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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