who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
