i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
