someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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