We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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