people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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