What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
