we have officially lost it.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
