You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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