i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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