So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
