Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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