i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
