Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
