I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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