so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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