what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
