my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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