I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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