i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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