I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My dick has a subreddit
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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