So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
