I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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