so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
