but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
