Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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