As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
