Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
