Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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