You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
