You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
