Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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