I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
