I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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