I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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