so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
