I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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