There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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