brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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