my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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