Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
