did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
and she was petting her beer can
im holly from the hills drunk
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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