5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
