If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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