I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize