Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
