so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Alive.
So much puke
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
