Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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