you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
