sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
