i was born a porn star she said
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
