I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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