Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
