Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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