Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
