sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
