guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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