So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
